Brownness

Half Way: A Blog Post

New Year Sunrise
Image by joka2000 via Flickr

Yesterday, marked the halfway point for 2011.  I was surprised to see that reminder from the Change Anything blog (changeanything.com) a book that I am currently reading, not because I had not followed through on my New Years resolution.com but mainly because I had stayed the course.  I lost weight, I started reading again, planned and took a few trips and wrote some.  I did not just have one resolution but many and I am sticking to them not because I wanted to because I needed to.  In the past few years, I have begun to feel less like myself and more a social being trying to please others and you know what, it fucking sucks!  I much rather be in the days when I was true to my vision and focus and did what I pleased but then I realized that was not ideal either as I often did events that made much less money than I expected.  I never did find the balance of running a successful promotion company and label, and a personal life.  But few years back, I felt like I had sold myself out just to be successful but even writing that does not feel true.  The reality is that I always managed to get to the halfway but somewhere, somehow, I get derailed before getting to the end, and that is what worries me.  Losing focus.  My dream is to be the person I have always imagined myself to be, and at 39, I don’t have much time before I am defined by the years behind me.

So here’s to being halfway there, sticking to my guns and being the person I have always imagined myself to be.  Wish me luck.

Myself

A New Mission: A Blog Post

photo
 You ever feel like this priest, braving the world whipping around and the only thing holding you steady is your vision?  Or perhaps to you he seems like he has already given up, to others lost and perhaps to some, indifferent.  My point is simple, we are who we perceive ourselves to be.  Lately, I have had to made adjustments or (perhaps some would say corrections) to the things that I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed with.  Too often, I have gotten involved in other’s lives, whether they asked to or not and realized that I am unwanted.  In my quest to be all holy, I forgot one key things: let others live.
I have allowed too many small things to crowd my heart and soul when I already know what makes me happy (family, Preeti, working out, working, reading and friends).  If I just concentrate on just that, I have a plate full of memories and loving people.  If I constantly bitch and whine about others not responding, it is perhaps that I have created a barrier that will only heal with time.  I have to let things be and focus on who I want to be.  Realizing just that has eased so much of my tension that I now really wish to just focus on the ones close to me.  Of course, I define who those are, and while some relationships and friendships are natural, there are others created due to obligation and some because of distance.  Each deserves attention but mostly each needs its own space.  Not all friendships are meant to be combined, especially when their from key periods in your life that only you have experienced.
So now that I have allowed myself that space, I can truly enjoy the people in my life, albeit some from afar (as it should be) and some ignored (to save my sanity) while the rest growing into (hopefully) life long relationships.