Family, Myself, Random


English: on skullcandy
English: on skullcandy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was a beautiful morning yesterday.   Wisps of wind traveled around me, and the sun pierced jaggedly through scattered clouds. It was chilly by Southern California standards (69 degrees or so), but one filled with small bursts of heat. Bella was busy sniffing at each clump of grass as it was something wondrously new, and at that moment I could honestly say I was grateful for what I had in life. I saw this girl on a swing, going back and forth but something was different. She couldn’t have been more than 10, but she was glued to a phone. I wondered what had to happened to just experiencing things for what they are. What is this need to amplify every experience we have by posting it on social media or just mindlessly do it while we miss out on true beauty on us?  As I looked down upon her, my headphones squawked to let me know a call was coming. Shit! I had my headphones on, and while I defensively thought that I was listening to Shabads, the truth was that I was no different from that little girl.

It struck me that I have been walking for weeks, and because of my headphones, I barely managed a hello to strangers or to the old Indian cross guard who always smiles and seems like he wants to say something more to me. In a sense, I have been using the headphones to disconnect myself from the outside world.  I want that time to catch up on Umano or listen to Simran so as much as I would like to be friendlier, it struck me that I want these early morning walks just for me and Bella. As someone who has taken a break from social media, I find myself that I am no longer aimlessly scrolling through countless updates about what people had eaten for the day (something that I am notoriously guilty of doing myself), and that I have found other ways to fill in that empty time by catching up on the New Yorker, Men’s Fitness and Poet and Writers. It’s funny how more and more of us are becoming disconnected by posting things up on Social media in the hopes of finding validation. We are no longer engaging in conversations or connections. We are just pounding on the chest that we are HERE! LOOK AT ME!  At some point, that just doesn’t do it for me anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, I do miss knowing about friends and family, but I have found that I can always text or whatsapp them, and in the end that has made all the difference.


Running From Dreams

Eye of the Tiger
Eye of the Tiger (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


6:47am. A beautiful morning. Nothing is chirping, but it feels like it should be. A small chill is already being defeated by the rising sun. I walk out past my gate. I bend forward to stretch the slow ache from yesterday’s workout to no effect. I try to stretch my quads. Same thing. I put on my bluetooth headphones, activate my Nike  running app, and start jogging to the beat of “Eye of the Tiger” from Rocky 4 (my all time favorite Rocky movie).  I see my shadow plodding in front of me.

At first, just the fog of sleeping inherits my soul, but slowly the rhythm of my free run shoes on the very hard concrete begin to seep through. I am doing it! I am jogging (albeit quite slowly), and then it hits me how much I hate running. The entire 3 miles as I jogged/trotted/walked, I hated it. I hated it as if  I was being made to eat Kerele which I hate with as much passion as I hate diet coke. Yet, I keep going. It reminds of my dreams and the things I want to achieve.

Some days it seems so utterly futile to run, pray, walk the dog, practice spanish, journal and do some brain games.  All before I head to work where I figure out how to get us not get sued by the many thousands of reasons small companies get sued in California. I giggle each time I go to an HR seminar because invariably, it will be brought up the New York and California are the most litigious states in the country in terms of wage and hour issues. So I go to my studios, grateful that I still have studios to go to, but it’s never far from me. Is this my dream? Is all that I am trying to do part of a larger plan for me to become what I was born to be?  Over and over. I see my shadow in front of me. I keep running, keep moving forward, wondering if I am running away from my dreams…

7:23am. Back home. Time to walk the dog.  Then pray. then write. No Spanish for me today. Gotta get to work!