Brownness

This is 51

Yesterday seems a blur as the year before I felt I hit a milestone, never imagining that being a father is the REAL milestone. Having a wife who went above and beyond to make it a special day definitely contributed, but also the family, the friends, the calls, the texts, the social media messages all blanketed me with a feeling of being loved and seen. But his eyes stole my soul. They looked deep into mine just as he threw up all over me. The present I will remember for sure. But strange thing was that instead of disgust, my instinct was to ensure he was calm, and not scared. I began soothing but he began smiling widely as he knew what he had done.

Zyan restarted my life by his beautiful eyes, and now I look forward and cherish my mornings with him when it’s just Papa and Zyan. I am sure I am already annoying my family with my daily videos, but I just cannot help containing my joy at each of his smiles and coos that makes me want to share it with the world.

So much can change in a year. That sure is an understatement, but in such a wonderful way I never could have imagined. Theory is way different from practice that’s for damn sure. Each morning now brings its own sweet time for me, albeit I don’t know why I assumed that it would be for 5 days and I’d get the weekend off. We are blessed that Zyan has been cooperative and our schedule for him at night holding firm so far (well the wife does give me extra hours of sleep on weekends), and now I don’t dread the 51.

I lean into it. I look forward to the numbers going forward as it also means that as he grows so do I. I get to learn all the things that I didn’t experience, from preschool here to sports in general which currently drives me to make sure I stay active now. Zyan is not going to allow me to slack, and as his father thats something I will not allow myself either. Whatever he wants to do, he gets to do. The only No he may hear is when he doubts himself because I spent far too long in tha arena even with plenty of encouragement. So he gets to be surrounded by Yes.

51 started off with a bang, and I simply cannot wait to see what the rest of 2023 unfolds.

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