Brownness

Holidays and Judgment

As the last week of 2021 begins, I cannot help but feel full of blessings and gratitude and eagerness to see what 2022 has to offer. There have been scares such as Covid, but I no longer allow it to control the narrative of my life. I tune out as much as possible, and focus on the things that I can control, from my health to connection with others. I can only work on my thoughts and actions.

And this morning, I realized I carry a lot of judgment about others still which do not serve me or them. It will be a long road, but I know I need to commit to letting go of this bad habit. It’s draining, its petty, and it makes me less of a person. Now I cannot guarantee I will succeed, but the first step is seeing it in myself. It takes away from the holiday spirit, and adds a sourness to my life when there has so much sweetness.

It is a good thing to take into the new year, new goals, new ways of being,new things to do that make me uncomfortable. Even as in I close in on 50, I see now that I have a ways to go to be and do better. It gives me comfort that I am still able to be critical of myself without going into despair. It just means I have more tools to use, and more work to do.

The first step is in seeing it, and then the next is to seek support from others in making it happen. It means having difficult conversations after I get clarity on what it is that I am judging. It makes me squirm to see my own pettiness, but it also means I get to exercise empathy and compassion.

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