Brownness

Alone Time

woman in white long sleeve shirt sitting on bed
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Recovering from anything prolonged has become quite important to me. When I dive into something and I am not recovered fully, I am guaranteeing burnout as well as not being present or being in integrity. This includes vacations. As strange as that sounds, I now see that while I am quite social, and love to engage, at some point, I need some me time that requires self-care. It could mean just reading or mindlessly channel surfing or starting a random project like selling the rest of my graphic novels. The key part is me just being.

I admit I am not good at asking for that time, and I know that will set me up for future failure, but this past weekend ended up my alone time in which I read, wrote a bit, watched two bad movies (The New Mutants and Space Jam 2), detoxed (haven’t drank since being back from New York) and went to bed before midnight on Friday and Saturday. As much as I was tempted to be out with friends, I also know that the coming month promises to be hectic and I am ending this month with a bang with my 10th wedding anniversary.

Being task oriented and also being someone who likes to be in integrity, I now have elaborate rituals for me-time which support me to perform at better levels in all areas of my life. Yet it is a delicate balance, and as I learn more about by body through my Whoop, I realize rest and recovery are essential for my health. Yet there is my insistent need to do more, and I struggle to subtract and keep adding. And there is the rub. My need for alone time grows because I don’t ‘allow myself to just be.

I know that is a disservice to the ones close to m when I don’t communicate my intentions or struggles and so I get to work on being present and open. It took alone time to figure that out, and now I get to be an adult and share with them.

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