Abrupt

It’s hard to fathom how much life around me has changed in just a matter of weeks. Only a few weeks ago, i was soaking in the triumph of running my first marathon, only a week later to shut down our company and lay off all our employees (including myself). I could never make that decision, but a true leader in my life made that decision without hesitation because she found it insufferable that an employee or client could get sick on her watch.

It made me wonder if I will ever have the ability to make the truly hardest decisions when it comes down to it. I’d like to think so, but with so much time to think and ponder, I still cannot imagine myself making the same courageous decision. It’s easier to hide behind the words “overreaction” or “its not that bad” and “no one else is shutting down”. Easier to be a follower in a crisis rather than a leader. I realize I allow myself too much comfort in the face of reality because of my own fear.

I realize now that until I let go of my fear and wantings things not to change, I am doomed not to be a better version of myself. Already, this crisis has taught me that my life is not going to be the same as before this crisis. And that is as it should be. No matter how abrupt the change, I can either bemoan it or just accept it and have faith that I am ready for this new chapter in my life.  Covid gave me no choice for the past few weeks, but it doesn’t get to rule my future.