Today is day 2 after I ran my first marathon, and I cannot help think about what I did wrong. It’s easy to forget that years ago, running in general was an ideal, and running a marathon not even in the realm of possibility. Easy to be frustrated that I took much longer than I thought, that I didn’t train hard enough, that I didn’t know the course, that I didn’t factor in the long waiting times for the bathroom, that I got there to early, and ate and drank too much in the morning to kill time and calm my nerves. All valuable lessons. I began this journey by telling myself, one and done. Bucket List item checked, time to move on to the next thing. Yet there is this nagging feeling that I didn’t give it my all.
It’s not me beating myself up, but realizing that there are ways I needed to be prepared better, and until I learn those lessons I am doomed to keep repeating the same errors. How I do one thing is how I do everything. And so what was supposed to be a one time thing has turned into a lesson of what I can do better next time. I admit there are things that I cannot change, namely telling myself that I am not going to win one of these things, but it’s not being on the pedestal that matters to me. What matters is that I gave it my all, and I did all that I could to set myself up to be my best. I know that I made choices in training that didn’t serve me. I needed to run the same time each time, and I also needed to get more long runs in so I could tell what my body needed. I also need to keep the same food and drink that I use during the trainings at the run.
Already, I am planning on doing next year, but maybe that’s also the other thing. Whatever I decide to do it means being clear, being specific, and maybe, just maybe, something I involve others in doing with me. I have become much too comfortable doing things on my own, and I see now I need that external push. Regardless of all this, I am immensely proud of my achievement, and it gives me strength to know that I continue to follow up on my vision no matter the difficulties. Now it’s time to take it one step further.