I am often amazed at how blessed I am when I take the time to count my blessings. From loving in laws to an amazing close knit family to decades long friendships, it astonishes me how rich I am. Yet, there are many days where I choose to feel alone rather than seek support, and yet somehow, my loved ones always seem to know. Someone will always reach out even when, as usual, I don’t seek them. I realize now that just as I notice when someone close to me is acting out of character, there are others who do the same for me.
These past few days have been amazing in the sense of being able to see how much love I am surrounded by. Yet (there is a always a yet), there are times when I feel alone, don’t wish to be bothered or bother others with my issues, and it is precisely then when someone shows up (the list is exhaustive), and yet again I am not allowed to wallow. Are there are down days? Yes. But continuous days with no one checking in? Never. It is a lesson I keep forgetting because truth be told, it is easier sometimes to feel sorry for myself, to want to give up, to not do what I promised, to just wallow in the shit.
So I am grateful, grateful for those who see me, grateful for those who pull me up when I manage to drag myself down repeatedly, grateful for having so much and forgetting that support is always there like life and I just have to reach out. It is a dizzying feeling to know that I am loved, and more than that, to know that I matter. So as the 2019 reaches to a close, I take this moment to be grateful for all that I have, and I look forward to 2020.