Last Month, I decided to detoxify after my overly indulgent trip in New York, I decided to not drink until after my race mid october, and after the race, I pushed it to end of the month, and now in November I am taking it day by day. I will drink when I feel like it. I remember this feeling as this is what I did with becoming vegetarian. I have learned to listen to my body, and in return, I have had minimal to no sickness, my energy levels skyrocketed, and I just felt good in general. Yet, I also know that it is not for everyone nor do I preach it to anyone. It works for me.
Just like not drinking until I feel like it. I see now that I am constantly trying ways to break myself down so I can get better. Do I always succeed? Not even close. There are so many areas in which I could do better, yet I also know that I can only try and be aware of my flaws, and then find ways to cope with life. Taking away ways I can hide is one of them. It’s easy to break open a beer or have a drink or two because I had a rough day or I could just sit in the shit, and let myself feel.
It’s not easy because the tempting part is to deny, avoid, not feel, to blame, to not take responsibility. It’s plain sucky to know that I am responsible for all that happens in my life. It makes for a very hard journey. But I continue to press on. I get the privilege of this life, and I get to get better at living in it. There is so much I regret, but I am determined to continue to blow myself up (figuratively) to get better, and to perhaps, one day, be worthy of forgiveness.