It can be easy to delude myself that I am in great shape when I average 10 miles of running a week, and manage to hit crossfit two to three times a week. It can feel that I am at my healthiest, that I deserve to all that I want, and yet this week came the realization that perhaps, just perhaps, I am triggering in others and in myself a desire to over-indulge. I put in hard work, but this week it feels that loved ones around me feel I am wasting that effort if I gorge myself. Of course, the analyzer in me took up the challenge to figure out am I overdoing it? If only, I ran more, worked out more, read more, practiced more, and it hit me that when I play “if only” game I am not as happy with my life as I should be.
When I allow “if only” to run my day, my thoughts and feelings, I never feel good enough, untalented, prone to mistakes. I ignore my best efforts. I don’t allow myself to feel pride in my accomplishments, and the fact that I am living pretty close to my vision. When I only “If only” to rule my days, I lose sight of possibility in myself. Sure, I admit there are some positives because “if only” has led me to set up morning routines and exercise regimens, and be open to opening a new practice, however it can turn toxic when I allow others “if only” to permeate my thinking. When I take on their proposed ideas of how I should be living my life, I realize that I take on their idea of a what a good life is. It may be for them, but I workout to feel good and enjoy my life. I do the things in my life because I want to be a better version of myself, but not the best
That was never the goal. It is to live a life that I can call my own and not based just on “if only.”
Happy Monday and Labor Day!