Yesterday, we celebrated Papa’s birthday which felt surreal, but in a way, it ended up being a joyful day where we swapped stories about him, and his name came up often. For once, social media made me feel connected as I got to see how others expressed their affection for him.
Papa made so many feel special, and he had an energy about him that was contagious. It made perfect sense that we got to go to an Iranian restaurant to have his favorite food while my only regret became I didn’t eat his favorite, Lamb Shank well because I am vegetarian, but, then again, Papa never was for formality. The result became what he loved most: family time while eating delicious food.
I hate to admit how it can feel overwhelming to share what came up for me when I think about Papa. Not much time goes by when I am reminded about him, and the little habits of his that I am now adopting. It feels bothersome to be a downer or one who speaks about someone in the past, yet when that someone still manages to teach you things while they are gone, then who am I to not honor them.
Papa and I had our special time at Ziba Music, but there also so much time squandered away due to my stubbornness and ego. I can only express gratitude that I realized how much he influenced me, and the great times we did have. Sure, being greedy to have more now just brings ache to my heart.
But then again, his special day now has become mine, and I look forward to more birthdays where we can celebrate him.