The past few days have been struggle. I see something in myself that I don’t like: negativity and self-doubt. Lately, it is never easy to tell when I am being cautious, prudent or just being an asshole. I feel as if I am fighting unstoppable forces and it’s made me incredibly sad. I look for relief in my morning routine, meditation, writing and talking to others just so I can be sure what I am saying or fighting isn’t me being just scared. But I still cannot tell. And it hurts, and makes me doubt if I am just being a roadblock, and then I just want to give in and not be this negative force. There is a part of me that is sure that I am right, but another part that says what if I am not?
So I take moments to shift, to see the other side, and take a breath. To remain calm, and not just react. And then I surrender because, at worst, it may just be a wrong decision, but I won’t die, nothing will get broken, and all that will be wasted is my energy and time. Sometimes resisting is not the best way to cope with strategy or new directions.
So I begin with this week with acceptance, being calm and present, and allow life to take me on this journey. I look forward to finding ways to be in contribution.