In the drudgery of the sadness, there are now some cracks of joy, laughter, a brief smile, a joyful memory of my dad and aunt. There is a slight brightening in the days when we celebrated my mom’s, father in law’s and niece’s birthday. Celebrations happen, subdued perhaps but joy comes through because our loved ones would hate so much of this sadness nonsense.
We move forward not because we have to but because the ones gone would not like us being such sour puss’s. They were the life of the party, and would want us to behave accordingly. And so there are glimmers of lightness, along with tears, but also shared stories or creation of new intimate moments full of joy and togetherness. The weekend flew by as we celebrated some milestones like my father in law’s 65th. His joy and surprise at the party infectious, and seeing the loving happiness in my wife’s eyes as well as my sister and brother-in-law who took pains to make the event happen.
In that moment, it hit me that yes mourning is fine, but that is not the only thing to do. We get to celebrate, hold our loved ones dearly, let me know any chance we get to show them how much they are cherished. And we get better at slowing grief down. Not ignoring it, but not also not running every single moment of your life. You force new moments to put cracks in grief’s facade, and perhaps, one day, just one day, maybe, you can smile first and miss them later.