Responsibility sucks. It is so much easier to blame others, and drown myself in victim mentality. These past few weeks, I have managed to feel so sorry for myself that it was easier to say “I give up” than face the reality of responsibility. Easier to fall into feeling like a failure, and blaming others. Easier to drown in emotions of grief, regret and self-pity. Here’s the shitty part: it doesn’t make it any better. So back to responsibility I go. It means to get back up. To take a hard look at myself and see what it is that I am NOT doing. To really listen and check in with others and see where they are at rather that too busy ready to respond in judgement rather than just being present.
It’s not easy being responsible. It’s easier being self-righteous and be in judgement, but really what’s driving all that is fear. Fear of the unknown, being vulnerable, intimate and then be let down anyway. Fear of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, and then blaming others when respond the same way over and over. This vicious cycle where I rather be “right” in my thinking than looking and realizing that responsible leaderships ALWAYS looks at the other side. It comes up with win-wins not win-lose or lose-lose.
So back to responsibility I go. I choose vision over circumstance. Not excuses. Not Blame. But being the leader I know I am. I am a loving, giving and worthy leader!