Friday, we will celebrate my Dad’s 80th birthday. To say I have mixed feelings is a huge understatement. When I think about it, I got so much time with Papa, yet I cannot help the regret deep inside me of the wasted opportunities. There are so many I wish to spend committed time, yet I don’t manage to create the opportunities to make them happen. It is easy to fall into the trap of busyness, but really its the realization that living a life of legacy requires sacrifices. Based on some loose math, I believe that like Papa, I only have 35 years left.
Do I want to waste that time in regret, or action? Yet that also means there are times I am not with loved ones. My failure was not that I didn’t get more time with him. It was that I didn’t tell him more how much I loved him. So this birthday we get to that. I am blessed to have had his for so longer when there are others who got much less or none at all. However empathetic I wish to be, I cannot help missing him and wondering what if. It’s an emotional game with little pay off.
Thinking back, Papa lived a life of legacy. His upcoming birthday where so many will be generously donating their talent to honor him reminds me of that. It is what keeps me going. That while there are many who will not understand or accept my desire to do more than just work, it does not take away my desire to be a better person. Just like Papa.
Happy Birthday Papa. Sanjay Loves You.