Myself

30 Left To Go Into Acceptance

ecf90ab26b5234f936112a4493282394The morning quiet is only interrupted with the constant patter of the rain outside. This is my alone time, the house asleep, the gentle snore of the dog greets from my a distance.  The mornings get earlier and earlier (currently, I wake up 4:59am automatically almost daily). Surrounded by my collections of books, my planner, the current book I am reading,, it is an appropriate time and place to reflect. Gratitude fills me as Southern California needs the rain, and I think about all that I take for granted in my life. A loving family, a supportive spouse, intimate friendships, and my outrageous vision for my life.

Another year, I am now 45 yet it I don’t feel my age. My father passed at 79 and my grandfather at 89. I figure I have till 75 which leaves me 30 years to live the life I have always wanted. It is no longer a marathon for me as there is so much to do, learn, and experience. Gone are the days of waiting and wishing for a better life or be a better person. It takes work, and I have wasted decades in self-pity, doubt, and lack of self-worth. Being the best version of myself requires honest introspection, dedication, and the willingness to say no to the things that don’t serve my vision.

It also means being honest with others, and not fill myself with judgement about how they are not living the life I think they should be living. I can only control my own thoughts, emotions and actions. So today, on my birthday, I resolve to make acceptance my daily affirmation. It’s going to be a long journey because I am my father’s son, and I see more and more that it takes work to be loving of all not just the ones that make it easy. So here’s to 45 and 2017. Bring it on!

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