I walk around in a daze as if underwater. Glimpses of Papa keep coming up, and in between moments of smiling, I cannot held the deep yearning of just seeing him one more time. I remember his last hug vividly. He grabbed me and said “Papa loves you.” He never said “I love you” as if the I was not enough to express how he felt. He wanted you to know that he loved you with this entire being.
That was Papa in a nutshell. He did everything with his all. And I know he would hate all this sadness. He never liked to dwell on negative emotions, yet I seem paralyzed. While so many have expressed love and support, I just want to be alone. Yet that was unlike Papa. He thrived on love and attention so I get to be more like him, but it hurts so damn much. I want to shrink away from all the attention. Leave me be I want to say, but Papa created love in so many that I would be truly selfish in not allowing them to express it.
I know the pain will ease, but the memories won’t. I miss you. Sanjay loves you.