Brownness

Back to Reality

downloadJet lag skirts my eyes but I am determined not to succumb. Memories of the trip still fresh, but more than anything is the desire to go back, travel, see other parts, and just get to know the homeland more in-depth. It’s a strange feeling. I had not thought about India for so long that it never crossed my mind as to how much I was missing out on. Something clicked in me when I went back (besides the loads of delicious food), and that it was when I accept things as they are, stop complaining about all the things missing in India and just take it in, it’s a beautiful fun place.

Does it have pollution, corruption, crazy drivers and heat? Absolutely.

Would I go back? In a heartbeat. Because what I saw there was the realization of how good it is to live without judgement and not fight what is in front of you. I am not gonna lie, there were moments where I wanted to tear my hair out (especially with the bribery), but all in all, it was just another beautiful place that has so much to teach. And for that I am grateful.

Journal

The Last Days

677d06c2294f6043f78ba26e9c6e85b1 I have settled into a routine different from the one from home. I wake up (usually 6 hours or less), get handed a coffee from someone who has worked with my family in some shape or another for the past 38 years.  Then after a bit, breakfast is made by him. And then the day begins which for me usually mean being open and observing and just letting things come as they are. It is a dramatic change from my life at home where I have almost all hours scheduled. It has been a huge learning opportunity as I learn to let go, and just be.

It has also been an exercise in letting go of judgement and impatience. Of not being in charge or being asked to make any decisions. I just got to let things unwrap as they occurred. It helped that I am reading Radical Acceptance, and I cannot help be amazed how much judgement and noise is in my head when things do not go as I wish them to go (which was constant).

Even the travel to the Golden Temple was hectic, chaotic, and done in a flash, but all that went into my mind is to trust and be thankful for the opportunity. Each moment in India has been unrepeatable and memorable, including the hours long traffic, the getting lost, the going to places where  I don’t know people, connecting with new loved ones and realizing that the trip to India is not about the country but about my own personal journey.

It is up to me what to make of it. I choose gratitude.

Journal

Days 9 and 10

download (1)I have a confession about India. I rave about my experience from a position of privilege. I have a place, a car, ready internet, access to places that others do not and a guide. It allows me to see India safely, separately and from a distance. I do not have the worries that others do when they visit or live in India so I am grateful.

Each day I express gratitude for what I have, and the reasons I love my trip so far. The generosity and love shown by so many tells me that I can come again and again, and the reason is simple. Almost all the reasons I disliked India before have been removed. It’s a startling reminder of how far we have come, and now I look forward to my next trip even while I am here now.

Yet there are still things that are under the surface. Both Dubai and India show how cheaply we treat humans as commodities, and what money really can buy when many do not have much. It is common to see more help present than guests, yet no one blinks an eye as if the ones standing around are accessories. It is this reality that is jarring, and it tells me again how much I have to be grateful for.

India shows promise and gives lessons. What I learn is truly up to me.