Marriage Jokes

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?" She says, "Anything you want." He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?" She says, "But I thought you hated Larry." With his last breath, he says, "I do."

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go
to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of
how the store operates.

"You may visit this
store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value
of the products increase as
the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.

  On the first floor the
sign on the door

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued,
but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs
and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks,
‘But I want more.’

So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but
feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor
and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims,

‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor

and the sign reads:  

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay,
but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor
#31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at

the Husband Store.



To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a
New Wives Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives
that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money
and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.





—— End of Forwarded Message

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