I used to believe the more I read, the more knowledgeable I would become. Not something hard to believe as I passed through high school, college, and even law school. I used books to learn about others, and maybe even myself. But (of course there is a but), I never though to realize that putting down that book after finishing and feeling satisfied was a mistake. In fact, it was the first step towards learning. It’s probably why I read several books on the same theme to get that realization that should have come from the first one. I didnt give myself the time to just absorb the clarity of the writer. Thats not true exactly, I had the time, I just didnt have the wisdom to realize that its great to read, but its better to understand.
Thats been my life, speed through the main parts and fail to learn until I fall several times. And ofcourse say right thing and sound like I know what I am talking about, and do the opposite. Because ultimately, I fought the insecurity of sounding dumb or uninformed. What’s great about getting older is you realize you care less about what strangers think, but take to heart what friends and family state. Which makes sense because at my age, I am not really going to grow my close circle, and whoever is in it now will probably remaint here for decades (i cringed a bit at that).
I still read quite a bit (a book a week), but it has become more varied, and its about truly learning, not just racing so I can say I read a book a week. Books are part of my world whereas before they were my world. Those close to me know what I mean when I say that. Instead of learning about experiences through words, I know create enough unique ones to perhaps one day free myself of ignorance. I am probably kidding myself, but for once it feels good to have another goal than just reading.