Brownness

Weekend

It always manages to surprise me that a weekend can still somehow summarize my life at its roller coaster best, and the cliff wide silences the epitome of a quiet future.  Yet, the week for once isnt full of questions or berating oneself but of how can I do better?  What am I doing wrong, and most of all, how can I be the person I see in my words.  Sounds heavy, but in fact its easy when you begin to live your day the way you want, and somehow things that were shackles now seem like guiding lines to a lighter day.  Sure, the pain still groans underneath the activity, but I dance away from it, and look towards the Sanjay I wish to be, that I need to be actually.  Because if not then, what makes me different from these empty words.  Read once and then forgotten.  So will I, if I do not become the change I see in myself.

Enough bogus philosophy.  The days are getting a bit faster, things seem to be getting done, and as long as I dont get on a groan and moan train, I may actually have beaten the sad ghouls in my soul.  Or maybe I am fooling myself, or worse lying to the reader, but for once it feels real, and it real does feel damn good.  To know that I can be better, that I can be the listener I envision myself to be, be the friend I hoped to be and most of all be the important part of the people close to me.  It isnt easy not should it be, but God it is satisfying when you feel like you got it right!

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