Brownness

Strange

how what was so easy now becomes an obligation.  What was just air to breath now feels like poison.  What were unhurried gaps in time now just feel like something to be measured, and prove that it can be done.  When did it get so hard?  As a friend put it, life happens, but what was it before, a fantasy?  How can 2 people who could read each other so well now cant see each others emotions or feelings?  Is that life? Progress? Or mere egotism at its best? 

God, stop with the questions already I say.  Look for the answers, but then am I asking the right questions or am I just skewing just so I can get to hear what I want to hear? Again, I end with that,  Time and time again I crash against the rocks of questions, and the waves of questions keep coming.  My quest for answer has become a meaningly natural phenomena.  Its pretty to look at, but thats about it. 

I look at these words, and what seemed to make sense now just seems a jumble just like my emotions.  What was so clear between us is now muddled with family, pain, expectations and worst of all lack of understanding. 

A strange day today.  For the first time in a while, I worked and got the things I needed to do done, but going home now feels to be a chore because I dont think I can fix what is wrong there.  And so I go back to hope, faith, and prayer, my 3 old friends. 

I have nothing else left.

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