Brownness

Home

Finally, back home, a word that I havent used for the house I have been living in the past year.  Somehow, it drew me in and compelled me to clean it because the first thought when I walked in, was man my home is dirty.  And there it was.  I finally belonged to something I wholly owned, and in the feverish of clearing away books and washing dishes, there was a sense of peace, a blanket of completeness, something I thought could only come from another.  But 4 walls suddenly hugged me, and made me feel like for once, it was a good day, a day of learning, accomplishment, and helpling my little brother out.  Only thing missing was a piece of my heart who was working away, and it surprised me that we hadnt heard each others voices since morning.  And then realization nudged away that perhaps it can be done, perhaps time apart will bring us closer, and I cringe at the cliche I have become. 

So here I am, drinking a beer, saluting myself to a clean house, to a job attended to, and a dear one helped.  And the missing was missed as usual but not forgotten.  I can hope for more days like this only so I dont drown her and myself in self-pity.  Who knew, work and home, the new pillars of my strenght?  Or maybe it was just a lucky day, here is a toast to ending this meaningful day in a way I will remember longer than this post.

Home sweet home.  3 new words that I can say to myself instead of I love you.  Perhaps there is salvation in that. 

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