Brownness

Silence

The look was there, the attention was on me, and yet nothing was heard.  I screamed in silence.  Silence screamed back at me.  Some times words just are not enough to say what you need to, or maybe its how I say it.  To me, everything gushing out is crystal clear, but it might as well be that I am splattering mud on your face.  Pain, Anger, Sadness surround me, and in the middle of that bandwagon, I realize that Silence is my only friend.  And that quietens me.  And deadens me at the same time.  I wonder how long before I reach a point where I backstab silence and get on the horse of selfishness.  After all, that is all what my pain is, isnt it.  My worries, my fears, my hurt, my wanting and needing, me, me me, the whole thing revolves around me.  And it is why silence is such a great cloak so it wrap away this egotistical present of mine. 

I look forward to the day I bury silence along with insecurity, worry and my past.  After all, we have all dreams and desires, why cant mine be the impossible? Why not, huh? I deserve more, dont I? I can do better, cant I?  I can be loved the way I want to be loved, right? Right?!!!

Silence. 

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