Brownness

My Day

Thoughts Swirling, but the heart still.  I play act at being unconcerned, yet filled with a cauldron of hurt.  Cant overturn it, just watch it helplessly bubble over onto life’s floor.  I look down at it, and wonder am I the only one that can see it?  From a distance, I seem to dilligently work away at the laptop, and a closer look finds the true traitor.  Words spit out, but with no substance.  Thoughts swirl around and flush away in the toilet of my soul.  But still I sputter on.  Maybe action will keep me being mindlessly still.  After all, work can be a reward, right? Right???

And yet I plod on, and glimpses of a useless future dance in front of me.  And I pause, take a deep breath, and begin the cycle all over again.  It’s what I do best.  Get kicked, go down, and get back up again.  Maybe it takes time but I do get up.  How do you think I can sit on this chair and type these words, my dumb legs got me here.  Maybe thats it.  Maybe I am must too dumb to get it.  Maybe I should be smart for once, and just lay there in the wasteness of self-pity.  Just let it suffocate me into stillness.  Sounds good but for a small nano second. 

And then reality bitch slaps me.  No can do.  That isnt me, its just my day. 

1 thought on “My Day”

  1. Laying in your own womb of misery is not what makes you smart..it’s what makes you a loser. It’s not giving up that makes you dumb..it’s giving in. From as far back as I can remember, you’ve never been the give up type, its just not you and everything that you stand for. Letting these momentary obstacles have the satisfaction of suffocating you would be your greatest failure. Quit throwing yourself pity parties now when you’ve come such a long way. You’ve gone through worse, you and I are both aware of that..and now I am sure that you have the strength and endurance within you to face much more. Please hang in there, you are an inspiration to me and to many others, as we hope that we are also for you. We’re in this together, you won’t fail at life..all of this is of the moment, you will find the peace for which you are reaching out to touch. I promise you.

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