Brownness

Faith

I heard that word a few times this week, and for some moments it stuck to me, and in others it helped me let go of some rituals.  I go to my parents every morning to do a small prayer and recent events in my life have told me that instead of having faith in the ritual, I need to perhaps reach and grab for what rightfully belongs to me.  But then again, doesnt that still allow faith in?  I have been struggling for a bit now, and while sometimes faith builds my backbone, my heart crushes it.  I almost believe in letting go, but hurt makes me grasp my heart even more tightly. 

Each day I begin with the thought that perhaps today is the day where pain wont be my friend but faith, but they both seem dishonest: promising so much but delivering nothing.  I approach jumbles, work with a fogginess brought on my faith, and only anger seems to be able to punch back.

Enough with the word jumbles, I need to lose faith so I can begin living again.  Or maybe I need to have faith in faith or pretend that I understand my own actions.  Either way, I pound on these words with nothing but thoughts that seem so clear yet come out as confused as this blog. 

Let me let you go, I have wasted enough of your time, and definitely a lot of my brain.  Let me try again tomorrow, perhaps a new day may bring a new faith.  Or not.

4 thoughts on “Faith”

  1. Thats a good point, but dont we all question after a while if things dont seem to happen even after having faith? Isnt that part of having faith, to question it and see it holds up?

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  2. Yes, we all question things often. Where as is what we question, questioning “faith”, can’t say. Most of the time when ppl question their “faith”, it has more or a religious connotation. I am not referring to “faith” as in religion. I am referring to it as something u believe in wholly. Even if you aren’t sure why u do its an intangible belief but u know without a doubt its there. I actually looked up what the dictionary says abt “faith”, so Webster says, “its a belief in the value, truth, or trustworthiness of someone or something” and then a belief in the religious aspect. Didn’t see anything that said it should be questioned. Did you ever stop to think, what does “faith” mean to Sanjay Sabarwal? Try taking out the years of being told by others as to what it should be, and ask yourself what it means to u.

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  3. Faith. You know its my favorite belief. Its my favorite topic…its the thing I hold dearest to my existence and ability to conquer life and wake up with a smile.
    I agree….even mine feels a shiver every now and then…but then I repeat my belief…with every bit of honesty in my bones…and a feel a sense of calm. But one thing is…I don’t have faith “attached” to a specific request…I just have faith…in faith. In believing that God will do what is best. Hard to believe…but becomes easier once you do. Its for sure a security blanket.

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