I heard that word a few times this week, and for some moments it stuck to me, and in others it helped me let go of some rituals. I go to my parents every morning to do a small prayer and recent events in my life have told me that instead of having faith in the ritual, I need to perhaps reach and grab for what rightfully belongs to me. But then again, doesnt that still allow faith in? I have been struggling for a bit now, and while sometimes faith builds my backbone, my heart crushes it. I almost believe in letting go, but hurt makes me grasp my heart even more tightly.
Each day I begin with the thought that perhaps today is the day where pain wont be my friend but faith, but they both seem dishonest: promising so much but delivering nothing. I approach jumbles, work with a fogginess brought on my faith, and only anger seems to be able to punch back.
Enough with the word jumbles, I need to lose faith so I can begin living again. Or maybe I need to have faith in faith or pretend that I understand my own actions. Either way, I pound on these words with nothing but thoughts that seem so clear yet come out as confused as this blog.
Let me let you go, I have wasted enough of your time, and definitely a lot of my brain. Let me try again tomorrow, perhaps a new day may bring a new faith. Or not.